And Yet We’re Still Together

This week I’m writing this blog after a significant loss in my family. Last December my grandmother passed away and this weekend her sister (my Aunt) also passed away. What I have gained from these sisters is nothing short of remarkable. What I have learned about being in a marriage is even more significant. These sisters both met the men they would eventually marry while they were still in high school. This seems odd in today’s world, but back then it was destiny. They both stayed together with their partners through service deployment and began creating family which I am now a part of. See…without them, my story wouldn’t even exist. That’s crazy to think about!

At my Aunt’s funeral the pastor mentioned a plaque that I had forgotten about. My family seems to not only have some serious life longevity, but also marital longevity. You see there is a 50th anniversary plaque that is making the rounds within my family. It was originally made in celebration of the two sister’s parents (my great-grandparents) 50th wedding anniversary. From what I recall of this plaque it was 50 cent pieces covered in a gold foil placed in an oval with a frame around it. I remember the day my great-grandparents received this in celebration of their marriage. At the time I was just a kid and didn’t realize the importance of this. Now…I completely get it!

Since then this plaque has been making the rounds within the family. It is being passed down to those couples that have reached 50 years…..and there have been many! Both sisters have done it and their children are next in line. As I was looking around the room I couldn’t believe how many marriages have endured the test of time. Even more strange is that I am one of those people. Steve and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary this summer. But…in my family we would still be considered newly-weds.

Steve and the kids and I had the privilege to sit next to my Aunt and Uncle for lunch that day. They told me they are celebrating 40 years of marriage this year. The best part about these two….they are still affectionate toward each other. They crack jokes but seem to really ‘get’ each other. Humor is a constant and ‘rolling with resistance’ seems to be a skill. I know they’ve been through a lot too. It’s been 40 years…a lot happens in that time. My uncle would share a story and they both would follow it up with ‘and yet we’re still together’ and we would all laugh in delight. These two are genuine with each other…no holds barred. That’s the beauty of what they have, they live married life as real as it gets but still show each other they are loved. They aren’t afraid to show others this either. I remember this from childhood and it has always been a constant.

It is important for people to notice other couples who set a good example of what relationships could be. We are a society geared for picking out problems so we might only hear about relationships in trouble. It takes some real observation skills to pick up on relationships that are solid. So the next time you are out….pay attention. What do you see? What do you hear? Are you noticing connections or disconnection? How are you connecting?

My hope is that a 50th anniversary plaque might one day make it to my wall and then to my kid’s walls too. I am hoping that Steve and I are setting examples that will translate into my own kid’s having happy and healthy relationships.

So, this blog is dedicated to my family….particularly to the two sisters (and their parents) with whom I had the honor of noticing the example they had set in their marriages. And…here’s to generations who have followed in their footsteps. I hope that we can all remember to laugh a lot, to roll with resistance and to remember to connect often. Mostly I want everyone to remember to enjoy each other and the lives we have built and make your life a love story.

“Every Love Story is Beautiful….But ours is my Favorite”

For those of you wanting to make your story a love story book your appointment online at

Dr. Terri