I started my weekend by reviewing a ‘new to me’ book titled, “The New Rules of Marriage” by Terrence Real. This book is the result of realizing how the roles of men and women have changed and so have the expectations of marriage. It walks the reader through step by step fundamental skills of getting, giving and having in their relationships. In other words, its a pretty cool book!
This book comes on the heels of studying more about attachment styles in relationships. Together I feel like I’m bursting with new information to share with couples. I don’t often have to travel far to hear about marital strife. I tend to hear the same stories with many couples I know. The story goes something like this, “Is this what marriage is?” or “I’ve settled to this being meh” or “don’t all married couples feel this way?” . This tends to happen when people are disconnected and have a level of complacency within their marriage. In other words “the fire is burned out”. My response is “No!” or rather “or my gosh, no!” . It never fails to amaze me how people think that relationships need to be so…blah, bleck or just plain, disconnected. I call this ‘trudging’…it’s like you have cement shoes on and you are dragging yourself through your marriage. It doesn’t have to be this way!
“The new rules of marriage” states that we all marry our unfinished business. “We are drawn to people whose issues fit perfectly with our own in a way that guarantees a reenactment of the old, familiar struggles we grew up with”. Now that is profound information and something we certainly shouldn’t ignore in our relationships nor in counseling. In order to get to the meat of the issue, we need to understand how our past has shaped our relationship…or rather our selection of mates and how troubles come to be. If you think a happy couple doesn’t do this, then think again. Let me be clear….we all do this! But a successful couple has healed the most raw parts of themselves.
Are you ready to heal your unfinished business? Then call us Today at 920-784-8669